Some women in abusive relationships choose to escape their abuser by moving into a confidential safe house, or refuge. The information here may help you to decide whether moving to a refuge is the right choice for you.
A refuge is a safe place where you can stay temporarily if you need to escape an abusive relationship. Some women stay for a few days, others for many months.
We try and make sure that our refuge is a safe, friendly and comfortable place to stay whilst you decide what to do next. The decision to leave an abusive relationship is an extremely difficult one and the staff can talk to you about what your options are before you decide.
There is an office in the refuge where members of staff work. They will help you settle in, find out about your benefits situation, tell you about other organisations that can help you, and help you to find long term accommodation.
The majority of refuges are like any shared house in that you and your children will be given your own bedroom but share the living room, dining area, kitchen and bathroom with the other women and children that live there.
Cots and all bedding is provided although you can bring your own.
There are washing machines available and all the normal kitchen appliances and equipment including Halal cooking equipment. Each person in the house buys and cooks their own food. While you are in the refuge you will be expected to take part in looking after the house and making sure it is clean comfortable and welcoming.
Refuge accommodation is available to all women regardless of age, class, ethnic origin, disability, sexuality, nationality, religion or cultural beliefs. Also women with or without children. Aylesbury Women’s Aid may be able to find specialised refuges for women with particular cultural needs.
The staff are fantastic. They have helped me and my children to not be scared and live a normal life without domestic abuse and not to be scared.
The service means my daughter can live with me in a safe environment.
Being in the refuge and receiving the support from staff has made me realise you don't have to put up with domestic abuse, there are safe places you can be.
They must come from
Many men who are violent towards their families or their partner come from families with no history of violence. Many families in which violence occurs do not produce violent men.
Blaming violence on men's own experience can offer men who abuse an excuse for their own behaviour, but it denies the experiences of the majority of individual survivors of abuse who do not go on to abuse others.
A violent man is responsible for his own actions and has a choice in how he behaves
She may even be physically prevented from leaving her home. Sadly, many women do not feel they have the support from family, friends and employers that gives them the courage to leave.
Aylesbury Women’s Aid can give you the support and information needed if you want to leave.